BAD GIRL

BAD GIRL

(Shhhhhh!!!Talk of few candid girls direct from heart)

FROM THE WRITTER’S DESK- Do you think girls are scared to express what they want, no they are not they can confidently tell you on your face what they feel about you, Yes we girls are like that ,we change all our rules with open heart for one person and just be opposite for the other, With our wish we decide what has to be done ,even if we regret that later ,we take the responsibility ,we love ,we hate, we play, we cry, we sigh!!

We go illogical, at times we don’t make sense in what we do ,we are confused we are fickle we at times go wrong, we pass through various ups and downs, we are hurt deep down so we hurt back too in our style ,some time we don’t like you and we have no reasons for it!!

Sometime we say NO when it’s YES in our heart

This write up is based on my observation and conversation with girl of today –they are modern but they are girls, confessions and heart to heart talks..See which line relates your story

Hey !!!some one is acting like a bitch!!!!!

Why am I flirting???i am letting people love me when I have no intention of loving them back ,I am intentionally talking with boys who are interested in me just to hear my praise and feel how wanted I am..,that was never me ,am I discovering new face of mine !!!or its just the frustration of not being able to get attention of person I wanted,am I giving pain to others? Does it anyhow sooth my pain?does it make me feel better ,does it heal my wounds???it just gives momentary wicked smile !and a thought now you know what pain I go through!!i know its wrong

Though its over long time backwhy do I try and find out looking in your  eyes whether you love me or not

I don’t post status to have 15 ppl likes and 10 comments ,I want you to read it

The moment I open my social networking site I just check your name in notifications,

If I am good,the best girl you met .with no tantrums and pure heart,who even fits in your family well why can’t you marry me or rather just love me enough..

Whattt –your mom doesn’t approve for me,o do you really do all what your mom approves,I wonder she likes her son to bea chain smoker …you have not left cigerate for your mom but you left me for her

After each meeting with you I regret I met you and even showed you wat I havefor you,not even sure next time when you text me saying I wanna see you,would I be able to say  NO

When I love you with all your faults ,I love you knowing u can never fulfill my expectations

Why cant you???

Why is love so strange phenomenon why don’t we fall in love with what is good and accessible to us ,who is dying to hold our hands ,instead we prefer running after some one who doesn’t even care to look back and see ,you are still there or not,why do we complicate our life ourself?

Logically I can never blame you for anything that went wrong in my life but actually you were the prime reason  for all my wrong and haste decisions  ,at times to make you jealous or to check your reactions I altered my life’

I post my pics on facebook to show you I am happy without you too,why are you so important to me when Its not vice versa,

When I am past to you why are you present to me !

One day you would regret,one day you would miss one day you would cry one day you would realize

For all the HOTTIES  and Beauties of world  cant make you feel special the way I do

Today for you your independence,your freedom matters ,tomorrow you might be empty hand

You found out my fault to get an escape route okk reality you know best !!You called me infidel when I was just trying to make you jealous and feel I matter to you ..but you went away with loads of said and unsaid blames and accuses..reality was U WANTED TO GO!!!!

PEOPLE GO RELATIONSHIP ENDS BUT HABIT REMAINS !!!!

I am bored of being sigle now yes it was me to whom that relationship looked suffocating few months back and I badly wanted to come out of it, yes its damn heartless of me that I don’t remember or miss anything about him though I shared so many heart touching emotional moments and real intense relationship ,its bitchy on my part to miss the attention and importance I was enjoying not the person

I miss those morning wake up sms,that right to call on yourcell without looking at watch,I miss someone holding my hand while walking in crowd ,I iss that protective feel which I had when I was with you I miss thoselong whole night chats (I know it made me feel sleepy when we use to have it)but the moment I think ofgetting in relationship  those24 hours reporting starts suffocating me ,those W questions ,those forcible change of priority scares me and request me to pull back my step ..the moment I remember Those phone calls after every half an hour I realize how wonderful space I am enjoying now I don’t need to keep my mobile with me 24 hours and then at the endof world YOU CANT HAVE IT A LL  wanna be commited but don’t want to be strangled in that commitment ,I don’t believe anything is permanent even feelings change with time (though 4 u my feelings remained same unfortunately I know dan you don’t deseve it)

I want love back inmy life but I just don’t want to be loved I want to feel the same feeling with equal intensity ,wanna have beautiful relationship nota ego based fighting ground want to be with some one who makes me a better human being ..beautiful and dignified women with deapth and consistency who could bring out that feminine part of me ,seriously it happens when you are in love it reflects on your face I want to change my favourite one liner ,love happens only once rest all are versions ..i want this version to be my life  forever  J

“You are Good girl, Great human being and innocent soul..”.she lived up hearing all this since  her childhood, when she didn’t even knew meaning of these words properly, but it always made her feel good  and she started considering herself as queen of goodness ,and behaving the same !!!!Time passed, she grew up, situations changed, people around changed, their mentality changed surroundings changed she too changed but her perception about herself remained UNCHANGED,"i am very good girl" this continued but reality strikes dreams the coin of hope fouls.....some time later few strange kind of feelings  popped up in her heart  at times she felt selfish,selfcentered,egotist,mean,jealous ,evil back bitted (but never Backstabbing)inconsisitency,she was surprised arre!!!!everyone says I am a good girl how come evil dwell in me ,but by closing your eyes you cant stop what’s happening around you, those feelings remained there and continued to grow ,she preferred believing they don’t exist ,and was happy I n her world of BEING GOOD

People pointed her about her other side too, she dint pointblank refused to accept it but reluctantly kept it, but her believe was so firm that nothing could shake that,

Its not so that she never accepted what she did wrong ,she did but it has always been difficult process but at the same time she never blamed others for what went wrong in her relationship with them, she  always looked what I could have done to better it,(that’s how good girl thinks rite J)

Its damn difficult to make someone understand you easier process is you understand them and make life simple, following this life philosophy she almost lost what was her own opinion, her likes, her dislikes, her preference, she became like who so ever she is with..Just to be GOOD..so that ppl should like her ..

She was feeling good for being called good, but something in her was diminishing gradually, she was trying to make every one happy around but it never happened ..Probably now she knows that it never Happens,every time some or the other got angry from her and she was all set to woe that person up, who so ever she/he is and explaining and promising to take care of it next time but that was impractical …..she still tried ,tried and tried and failed& collapsed  got in foul mood and badly upset she cried terribly on her failure….it was she  who made people expect so much from her now why to feel bad if same people reciprocated badly when their expectations were not fulfilled, she got tired, felt  harassed, and kind of cheated …same people who called her Good now named her Selfish,Wicked,Dual faced, pretender bla bla bla…it was too hurting to take so to make them change their opinion she once again got back to stubborn attitude of proving all of them wrong and prove back she is good and would remain ….in process of proving this she went out of the way and crossed all her limits had been truly harsh to herself ,but when when she could please one, other got annoyed, she was turning dark and wasn’t able to handle this darkness

Time Passed her tears too got dried, heavy heart got light, one fine day while watering her plants she thought what went wrong????Where is that good girl, where is that good human being, where Is that  purity of heart and finally is there any innocence left??what a great loss,how it collapsed,was I at fault,something in her answered “YES” because the moment you decided to keep up this compliment of being good you ran without thinking  after it blindly …You are a normal human being like any other you too have a heart ,and like others you too have natural evil feelings  at times ,its normal .

Instead of lying to yourself work upon that evil part, if one hurt himself/herself to make others happy its unfair and injustice. If you are not happy you can never make others happy and those who love you would automatically get happy seeing you smiling, and for rest its not worth, there is nothing wrong in being selfish..provided you are not harming anyone.

There is nothing wrong in expecting back for what you give, it’s perfectly normal if you want your credit of doing something…

And  People being good doesn’t mean some one is fool ,and you can take advantage of it ,its just a gesture that ,person cares for you …so stop acting wicked and respect HER for her goodness.

One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.”— 

"Onwards mercians Onwards "

 Our Father ,Who art in heaven "    

                                                                         “Something clicked!!!! School assembly with the boring quair????no no I have no intention to take you there -in front of that tall corridor on ground floor with a newly built stage in corner  where we have stood   years  in line ,at times proving I have turned tall so deserve to stand at back ,and reality was standing at back was more fun ,as u enjoy the gossip there more easily ,comments of guys over principal or some teacher was better heard there …so here it started our day ….then check out who has come in class and whose absence is going to matter to us, Zero period time 4 sports, but most of average student like me, utilized it in copying homework..and then my super favorite PT period ,where I haven’t seen anyone  ever doing PT (even when we are younger )we again sat  gossip and saw ppl playing basket ball  cricket or football , commenting on who did what ?who proposed whom,?who rejected whose proposal ?whose skirt is actually short??the latest fling ,the recent ditch ,the change of crush, yes the recent movie ,and at certain dangerous times THE TEST MARKS …which use to turn us white with fear ,question in mind “wud she(teacher) read the marks or just give away papers with that disgusting expression ,four columns in copy where we useto compare marks who scored highest in group ,and honestly in maths paper It was just the passing marks I alwaz prayed …….

                                                          As we grew topic of conversation changed ,observation also changed ,and with Tv serials like “school days  ”  “Just Mohabbat “and “hip hip hurray” ,expectations also changed !!!!!sudenly after our first  boards when we all met for class eleventh most of the girls style changed ,either it was change of hair style or eyebrows done ,or some or the other thing but we realized we grew up .. teachers also treated us lil better during those golden 11th n 12th days .

At times I go to pick my mom from her School (she is a teacher in Virendra swaroop )while waiting for her to come I saw  hoards of school dressed bees coming out with different expressions on face ,each face reminded me of some one from our batch ..Expression of winning, loosing, crying, sobbing, smiling, shy, naughty, fight, hurt, revenge ,jealus ,possessive,selfish ,happy ,sad,trust me each expression was practically visible on each face..Each one thinks themselves to be mature then ever before ,

                                        I still remember it looked so pathetic to get up early take cold water bath, arrange 4 bag, and polish shoe, and in the way while cycling just remember ohh!!i forgot to bring my register, or homework is not done, then pray for absence of particular teacher so that one free period can be managed ,eating lunch before intervel, was a religion ,Falguni Pathak songs ,having one weak infatuations then accepting its not love ,fights for seat, writing name on blackboard ,and I a m sure that compass action from jo jeeta wahe sikander “chahe tum kuch na kaho “ was in mind of all at one or the other point of time ,During Winters whenever we drank water from the tap water use to flow out from our Blazers  it was damn yucky ,and then the real pain ,taking out your bicycle from that place ufff !!!!!i always had to take favor and request someone to do it

                                                                               The fear of not being selected in particular dance!!! ,ohh gawd I cried hours for it ,and I am sure many others girls accompanied me in sobbing and blaming dance teacher of partiality J what were the tension issues- “she is not talking to me ,he doesn’t even give me a look ,my marks are less, I stammered while reading ,e,t.c so much we had to talk ,just waited desperately for teacherto move out ofclass so that we can utilize  those fraction of seconds ,having an affair is bad ,those who are like that stay away from them teachers and parents taught ,ok accepted but god knows why forbidden fruit are so sweet ,all our interest was in  knowing whats happning between them ,who z dating whom and then with round table conference betting would they stay together ?????that was the future planning we were doing 4 others ….so many love stories ,one sided, two sided, triangular ….and few friendships based on mutual interstate be close to one u want be friend to her friend funda J

                           Liking someone is bad that parents and teachers dint say, so most of us did that (see we were so obedient)we liked some or the other who was whose crush was still a secret ,(truth and dare game came later on )A was crush of B ,,B LIKED C ,C liked  D ,and D LIKED B and this strange cross crushes continued no one spoke so crushes got crashed !!!!!few songs and guys playing table on table specially that holy song , ”millennium guys u Rocked “Sports captain with that stern look “Punnet Bindra “-angry young man ,Few famous dancers like  Rajat ,Gaurav ,Ravi  e.t.c some beautiful girls who at times made us uncomfortable ,remember that match between 11th and 12th (when we were in 11th) and we won,12th girls cried .and we were mad and dancing like we won world cup !!!!!!in 9th there was a night camp arranged by peter sir ,few of us were there ….that visit to old house that made most of us sentimental and emotional ,Fight with U P Kirana ,mowgali water park fun lot many to talk

Butterflies in stomach ,loss of earth ,Goosebumps at someone’s sight ,justa pass by meant a lot during those tender years …just a mere wish to talk with some one but cud never dare .First crushes are first we all know how they are !! , ups lots of secret being reveled today but its fun ,isn’t it ?????

                                         By the end of the day loose tie,socks gone down ,shirts out sweating we got back home wishing to be out of this cage one day and now we are and ironically we miss that cage .We all had different plans ,different ambitions ,but life had its own plan and finally it made us do what fate decided and we are happy Thanks to facebook that ,the introvert Shy Girl whose presence or absence was not much noticed is taking u back to those forgotten lanes ..and I am sure you are loving it and wanna add much more …to it

Changes and Replacements !!!!!

                                                                                                      Nothing is as it was 

My most proud possession was my ROOM

My  same room where a lot has changed , but it still gives me same warm feeling , during my 11th standard  getting my room was big deal  and a big dream come true!!!!i loved it and sharing it with my lil one was also not much problem …now there are no more shahrukh posters ….The cot near the window from where I looked at  rain and stared at  endless  stars  is replaced by bed …..Diaries slam books  and my color pens  under the thin  old mattress   has also vanished …bcz the desk top has quite replaced  writing with  pen ,those small –small teddies are also not here ..Cards I have put back to bag in alma rah …yes the songs are still same but mode has changed from radio to computer, the Audio cassette  shelf is filled with Sydney Sheldon, Jackie Collinis ,Robin Crook   novels ,Landline phn on the window shelf is missed!!!!am I too old fashioned ?the big mirror  which I see most when I cry remains there ….that chart which defined rules to enter my room was torn when I started breaking my own rules ..

                                                         Lying on that cot I have gone through various emotions, I laughed like mad with my frns  I cried, alone,i studied with amita,,may be with time I develop  my attachment with this bed also but for now I  miss my  uncomfortable cot

Remember  there was  a time  when expressing feelings was   damn tough .saying  I love you  took years  to come out of mouth  and now I love u is like thank you ..It comes so naturally to us, how fast things are loosing the real worth …..And similarly the taste of it too is not as sweet as it use to be ,

Words like sweetheart, honey, darling are they any how exceptional, don’t we say to anyone and everyone …why things are getting so common and easy going they are loosing their charm..i call sweetheart even to my best friend as well as my face book frn with whom I hardly even exchanged looks  during long ten years in school but now we comment on each other status lovingly ,I don’t say its bad .this sweetness is good ,but isn’t it too artificial ???and has short life ?do you get same warmth when u hug  with broad smile without any actual feeling in heart ……getting good in copy was an event to be celebrated by an ice-cream with papa   and now  appraisal in salary is backed by frustration  of increasing petrol rates no time to celebrate ..Where are those small –little happiness vanished???at times as a punishment we were made to stand out side class and our secret prayer use to be least ppl should see us …we looked down and at times the embarrassing  scolding from teacher brought tears ..and now  one lecture from  boss and we curse under breath or wait 4 our  chance to hit back even if fault lies with us and we know it…reality is missing ,purity is lost ,even the word seems to perish soon …

                                                                   Birth day treats at Mickey shop –those patties and Pepsi –I wonder what was special in them??Why we all loved it so much...Cycle-scoot y-car –language in driving seat changed …changes are not always good but essential for survival …lot Of things have changed but still the impact of what it was wud always remain ...

BEYOND LOGICS !!!!!!!!!!!

                                                  Certain things are beyond logic

There is no explanation why certain Feelings en vibe in our heart ,no one can answer nor itcan be controlled..so why try ???certain things should be accepted as they are !!!!

There are lot of may be and and may not be "s, but who cares ..this is my delusionary world i created and i control , i am happy ! super happy there ....i donn wanna know what is real what is fake ..i pick what i like and ignore what i dislike and anything that has lil possibilty of making me sad...i prefer not to know ..

Seeing someone sleeping ,looking at those closed pair of eyes ,child like inocence on face,tightly closed lips ,holding my one finger in closed fist !!!felt like seeing it constantly little more longer without moving an inch as it could have disturbed the sleep .there was warmth in my heart after long ,a crave to hug sleeping baby but that would also have disturbed ..and i dint want it at any cost...

watching without being caught !!!then a blush automatically came which is hardly visble now to me even in me ,nothing makes me blush ,i choose not to reveal this "surprise guest" and hide my face by pillow and close my eyes tight !!!dont want to share anything its between me n my heart no one else. ....surprisingly realized in those thirty minutes how those artificial layers unwrapped itself that i covered on me and tried to become what i was originally not i tried stopping but failed .

There are certain divine bondings even at times one sided but they are beautiful!! its always more beautiful to feel love 4 someone rather then being loved by someone .only there you feel like giving without expecting any thing back ,pour out ur best and believe me there is no pretendance ,it comes out naturally ,with very sweet pain its wrong to call it platonic but calling it other way round would also not be correct ..so let it remain unnamed .....

Women are specially Blessesed with special sense to sense the feeling of other person by a mere touch,may be a hug ,handshake or just a finger touch by mistake ...a small touch says a lot ,now this depends individually whether women accept it or not as we often tend to believe what we want ..



The touch dint say much ,but thankfully it wasnt silent too!!!! ...and whatever it said was special .....

at times bonding are stronger then relationships



Nothing affects me ANYMORE will be a lie ,

it affects and would always affect ,and this affect is special to me as ,it doesnt cause any harm to any one ...its strictly mine wont even share it anyone ..not even u .

i thought my heart is empty devoid of feelings !!!!!!!!but i am happy to realize i am not yet HEARTLESS (as i thought ).....its very much there !!!

Tumhe bhi yaad nahe ,hum bhe bhool gaye ,wo lamhe kitne hassen thei ,magar fizool gaye !!!!!!!!!

New Girl in the old cityyy!!!!!!!!!!!

Folding hands looking at horizon where sea n sky meets

The thought of being in that city scares me ?terrifies me ?nopes not exactly but  it fills me with a shiver ,little depressing mode ,it reminds me of  of  my success ,my failures ,my dreams that I accomplished and then  I lost ,its not easy to face your failures ,

                             It all started from there –Delhi, since my childhood this place was always on my head ,no other city attracted me ever ,nothing crossed my mind except me being there living my independent life ,the city  welcomed  me well ,hugged me warmly

those big beautiful flyovers,grand  buildings,different ring tones in air,slangs –abuses,pda young crowd, all excited me to full it made me feel very near to my dream, so half of the credit goes to my Destiny and other half to my incompetence in differentiating between real practical  life and my dream  world  ,I screwed it , screwed it big time I realize its wrong to blame the city  ,but a usual habit of blaming someone else for my own failure, I have a kind of love –hate relationship with Delhi ..It really made all my dreams come true, professionally, personally, socially  but ruined up at last its true every one cant carry success !!!May be I was one of those  unfortunate everyone .

Those initial days long travel hours, struggle to get  in those crowded suffocating buses ,plucked earphone in ear ,fingers playing with mobile and mind scattering old memories ,at times knitting the dreams of future ,doing SWOT analysis ,dreaming to have perfect life ,forgetting there is nothing known as perfect ,less money more expenses ,lil inferiority complex from colleagues who were not from small town like us ,craze for mac d and haldiram ,the excitement of first dream job, getting all what you need for your ego Pamper  ,the priority ,importance, the  appreciation the encouragement being famous for good ,and yes promotion  and appraisal in your initial days who wont get crazy ??getting  selected in all the ad agency I never ever imagined ,the first step in Cheil(Samsung in- house ad agency) was with little proud.

The first client meeting, successful presentation, pitching, reckee at sitarganj , shoots ,getting those gulabari animatics done ,voiceover and scrtunising (at very initial level ) those plastic women commonly known as models ...what not the excitement was on full brim the craze to do it all ,craze to stay at top ,

Evening with friends talking ,discussing, arguing on accounts  ,strategies ,ads ,campaigns criticizing boss , ego wars of servicing and creative ,but finally laughing out loud on some funny joke or leg pulling each other ,gyans from devraj ,fighting for franky and eggs ,working late nights in ccd for freelancing work(for which dat bugger never payed), and sipping uncountable coffees ,on weekends outing at saket ,or shopping at lajpat ,or dinner at south x and sometimes after 25th of each month we were left with less money so i and Tanu use to make lame execuses- trying to avoid going outdue to financial pressure  ,but still unable to convince our frns  ,we  had  to see right side of menu card to order what we wanna eat (seeing the lowest rate )and looking at each others eye,NOW WHAT !! and tanu cursing me under breath for being easily convinced for going out ha ha ha hilarious  .

the comfortable ,non-interfering  friends those candid talks covering all” starting from work to pranks ".those night outs ,those small secret trips (JAIPUR the place of birth between tanu and amit 's love ,courtesy devraj and Amita he he he ) confessions with friends,promise of being in touch forever !!!!and pooling money at times even on treat  (remember amit !!!!ur treat on u and tanu being a couple and the unexpected bill ha ha ha) mine  unforgettable moments

After all this reaching home late with amita facing those jams and crowd with risk taking rani lakshmi bai (amita)   and planning to make khichree or settling with maggi  with a promise in heart  to come home early next day for better meal (which hardly happened)and then sleeping like dead

It was beautiful..i wanted it to stay the way it was !!

But all good things come to an end as they say good things come with an expiry date

Life mounts you to hill of happiness and slides you down with no warning

Probably before giving you real big jerk life pampers you to maximum, you go on swinging to ur glory without realizing the fatal law of gravity when you fall down every thing falls on you

The Sbi ATM  at New Delhi Station those initial confusing moments ,hurried decisions special perfume in that red swift ,those loving eyes as if only waiting for me that gear in the car ,which changed my life ,long drives,long conversations,long planning,long confusions,wrong perceptions,….wrong moves and the downfall starts that was swinging low and I cudnt balance well for long so fell down on ground bleeding to hell..its a very difficult experience to walk alone in those lanes where u have walked with some one special,to see those shops where u have shopped like crazy with  ,to go 4 those restaurants sitting where u have planned a lot and even waiters know what you are going to order  ,facing those traffic jam which made u late before date , then suddenly realise no one is waiting for you now !!!those issues which are no more rel vent  to both of u,that bacardi blast party  ,Times of india food fest ,MACHHAN at Taj maansingh ,barcos,fu yian ,that bald waiter and pandara road ,meeting few common faces who carry sarcastic smile ,few roads some streets and lanes few songs certain kind of weather ,its not easy to feel someone who was always there is no where !!!!

 it all collapsed my personal life my professional life ,my social life …

It was the same city who gave me all what I loved and then snatched it back …those places, those memories make me weak, make me feel like a looser ….

Delhi love you.but cant fight those moments ,you made me strong but in process I lost a lot .you would always remain special .:)thanks 4 everything !!!!

this city for sure makes you think where you were and where you are !!!be cautious and your failure is yours have a heart to accept it ,passing the bucket can only console u ,but wont take u anywhere !!!!

Talk with the moon

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Its a subtle weather ,wind is touching my face gently ,disturbing my hair ,the sound of small bells in my duppata is  sounding like windchime and distubing my peaceful late evening ,all this is giving me good feel

 ,but suddenly something happens dark night (though it looks always beautiful and mystic to me ,)sudenlly push me to melanchony mood ,i dont know why and how ,i came happy but how it dragged me where i dint intend to be ..

i am neither happy nor said ,just little serious ,some serious thought process goes on and on and on with no logical connections,thinking about someone not neccesarily mean u miss that name ,i think aboout nothing and at the same time everything , world- weariness,a pessimistic sense of inadequacy, a lot done ,and a more lot not done,unfulfliied promises , unspoken words ,some guilt ,few unanswered questions, some  W questions of my life, few names ….at times few things bring out old memories ,few words bring forward some old incidents ,constant fight with my own conscious ,it gets very difficult when u cant convince yourself ..none of us can go back but I want to still my life rite here nothing more I want ,nothing I wanna loose

                              Eyes get wet ,heart gets heavy and I cry my heart out ..not angry from anyone not even sad but still it feels good. After I cry. I feel fresh rejunivated,strong enough 4 rest of storms of life .i look at moon and feel   with a smile you have seen all,my ups –downs, laughter-cries ,smiles –tears  ,me seeing dreams and then me seeing it broken I  strangely never loose hope still sit to  knit my dream ,silly jilly me !!!but I cant change !!I am not that what it looks like ,something somewhere deap down is broken ..i dont even know what it is

My obsession 4 certain things ,irrespective of write or wrong ..i don’t disturb any one ,I don’t harm anyone then whats wrong in my obsession ,in that makes me happy without hurting anyone let me be obsessed !!!let me be crazy my things would never harm anyone else ...moon looks at me but never say anything.....i wait...asks atleat tell me my answers ,i hate to be lost ...suddenly it rains ..i cry more loud ,more tears flow .....i feel better i end up smiling once again ..told u silly me !!!! good night wanna sleep tight with no dreams !!!and moon continues to look at me while i close my eyes  pretens i have slept actually  with half closed eye i try to see..is moon still watching me :)