Completely not connecting -NO LOGIC NO SENESE

                                 

I meet new ppl, who are good and interesting, but I am so damn stubborn in my heart that if they are over caring I find them boring and if they show attitude I find them rude  . The Exit gets easy, if you know the other person doesn’t want you to stay. Who the hell want to live in past ,but its not always what we want ,its more of what it is,  Does any one know the medicine to get out of past,i need to know all the why 's of my life ....it helps me solve the puzzle easily ,i am well aware of the fact that even if by magic wand i take all the people back to same place and time ,they wont be behaving same ,what they i wont be behaving same ,nothing is left ,and who knows i am the first person to say nahhh its better now...at times it looks like my zidd to myself cauz i never bother anyone else ,new people know me so much different then old ,and which version is true even i dont know 

                                                       I am diseased now I am convinced , bcz though I terribly want ,but I m not able to stop roaming in past lanes  and this frustrates me further ,how can u walk when you know there is no end to it ,and you wont get anything  ….this is not done ,I am being unfair to me   it feels so bad to c ppl who were walking with me have gone far ahead ,and I m still in nothing ,lost all I gathered , in one go. I don’t cry anymore once more I m hurt  again I smile as if I knew that’s goanna happen  , I know it all ,still finally a girl wud remain girl .i know many girls of my kind they just don’t express ,and I am born expressive cant help it ,if I m not wrong ,I m not afraid ,today my lines are not making sense even to me ,they are not connecting ,but coming from heart, so  I am  just writing down ,I know the fact ,accepted the fact ,moved on to but what stop me is- not being with u is fine ,but being  with someone else hurts ,and I go to wicked mode .ghost of past disturbs my future ..my delustional world needs to be locked up . i am so different with different people ,my reactions are so differnt sifferent time,

                                    My carrier, my confidence,my abilities  all needs to be brushed up ,I have to make a start ,its getting late .i am bored of same names ,same games and same pain,oh plz I wish it was that simple ,I am happy about my life the way it is ,but when someone tries to fast forward it I get afraid , I am afraid of tomorrow ,I can take care of now .i hate being supported ,I never needed any shoulder to cry ,when I am strong I am ,and when go emotional I drown,when it comes to give support I can give it to anyone ,when it is about taking support I don’t believe anyone ,I don’t think anyone can understand my position and my mind ,people genralise when they support,I am not common ,I am  different ,I am unfair ,I am special,I cant harm u but I might think bad about you .Thats me I can reject you,but I wont take rejection from you ,,....atleast i have guts to say what i feel ......i am modest not diplomat and above all i love what  i am truly ...no regrets ......4 what isaid what did ,it was meant to be ,i have power to face reality ,being fake is what irritetes me ,if you arebad its ok but if you are fake i m unsure how rude i can be,.......at times you trust some one so much that even their misdeeds which u can see clearly ,u tend to avoid like kahekahe vishwaas itna jyada hota hai ke shaq ke liye jagah he nahe bante ,i just ignore to hear what i dont like ...letthe hell it be reality i dont care ...